Chad

I'm a huge fan and proponent of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". Both Men and Women are amazing! Both are critically important. While neither is better nor superior than the other, there are differences in just about every major way (mind, body, spirit, etc.).

I believe that Gender (Male/Female) is an essential characteristic, and that all of us were male or female before we were born. I don't know why God has some born with unclear gender, and I don't pretend to understand same-sex attraction. I believe God has a plan for all, but that's beyond what I want to talk about here. I want to discuss the roles of men and women in a marriage.

The first responsibility the proclamation discusses is the commandment God gave to Adam and Eve to multiply, and states that the commandment applies to married couples today and remains in force. In other words, married couples should be making love (hopefully that's not a chore!). It is a part of God's plan for his married children to make love -- It is "divinely appointed." I believe God intends couples to have a variety of experiences with it -- some fun and exciting, others to express deep love and care, etc. I believe there are good reasons for birth control, but that should be done in consultation with God and really is only a matter between God, the husband, and the wife. I also believe God gives us choice. If a woman I marry chooses to be on birth control, I will support her in that decision. I'm starting to feel a little older and question my abilities to care for a young child -- it takes a ton of energy! I have started going to the gym and I expect my energy levels to improve.

The second responsibility is for both the husband and wife to care for each other and for their children. Specifically regarding children it discusses caring for their physical and spiritual needs. It gives a few somewhat more specific things to do. I believe it is my responsibility as a parent to take care of my kids' physical and spiritual needs, including things like feeding them and teaching them the Gospel. I not only want to take care of their needs, but their wants as well, and prepare them for living on their own. In a happy marriage, I believe the husband and wife should care for each other's physical & spiritual needs as well. How this looks is going to be different for each couple. Also, if a marriage includes children who are not biological offspring of one parent, I believe those children are entitled to love and care from BOTH parents.

The next paragraph discusses several aspects. Men and women have a responsibility to make sure children are born to a married couple and be raised by a father & mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. I believe that, yet I am divorced. There are many ways in which marital vows can be broken. I believe in forgiveness, however forgiveness does not mean that you have to permit bad behavior endlessly -- especially if the person is unwilling to work on their bad behavior. Divorce can be necessary to protect yourself and/or your kids. Like anything else in a marriage, I believe this should be done in consultation with God, recognizing the gravity of the decision.

The paragraph continues by talking about how successful marriages are established on several principles, including faith, prayer, love, work, and wholesome activities. I believe it is the responsibility of both the husband and the wife to seek to follow those principles. I might make another page specifically to discuss each of those principles at some point. Towards the end of the paragraph, it separates the primary responsibilities of fathers and mothers, noting that both are obligated to help each other as equal partners and that individual circumstances may require adaptation.

Fathers are to "preside... in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." What does it mean to preside? While recent examples of our government are not good ones, looking at the way the US Government is intended to run is instructive. Congress (legislative branch) makes the laws. The President (executive branch) carries out & enforces the laws. The Courts (judicial branch) interpret the laws. Carrying this into a marriage, The family council is the legislative branch, where both the father and mother have equal say as co-leaders of the family council. They will disagree sometimes, and they need to figure out how to disagree in ways that are loving, caring, and respectful. If one of the two is always getting their way, that is a major red flag that the relationship has problems. The father is the "president", not a "dictator". He is responsible to carry out and enforce the laws. If the family council decided the family needs a trip to disneyland, the father should be the primary one to take the actions necessary to make that a reality. Similarly, if the family holds family prayers, the father should primarily be the one to call everyone together for prayers. God is the Judicial branch in the marriage, but he has delegated some of that authority to the husband and wife equally. God is like the Supreme Court Justice. That's not the best analogy, because in reality, God is the King.

Mothers are "primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." Again, I believe that once a couple is married the children from either parent are now "their" children. That doesn't mean that they can be treated exactly the same -- there are challenges with blending families that I won't address here -- but parents should love and care for all the children, not just those from before the marriage. "Nurture" is an interesting word. Dictionary.com defines it as "care for and encourage the growth or development of." God loves His children and wants all of his children nurtured -- even adults. As kids are learning and growing, proper nurture is really important as it will shape their entire lives! Mothers have an awesome responsibility! It takes a variety of forms, both fun and not so fun. Playing pretend, helping them with chores & homework, cheering for them at soccer -- all this is nurturing. I kind of see it as my mission in life to make sure my kids are prepared properly (skills, knowledge, spirit, etc) for being adults. I will see my life as a success if my kids have learned what they need in order to find Christ in their lives and be able to live as independent adults. Yet this is primarily the mother's responsibility... what an awesome responsibility it is! This is definitely a perk of being a "mom" instead of a "dad". Not that one is better than the other -- They're different, and that's good.

I like how it says both are obligated to help one another in their responsibilities. A dad can change diapers, help kids with chores & homework, etc. A mom can call the kids for prayers. If the couple decides for the mom to get a job to help support the family financially, the dad should be doing the dishes & washing toilets a lot more than if the mom is a stay-at-home mom. I can still help with chores around the house even if my wife is a stay at home mom.

The roles of both men and women include keeping the law of chastity as defined in the Temple, and not abusing others. God is the Judge, and we will be held accountable before Him. Forgiveness can happen, but if bad behavior continues or the perpetrator is unrepentant, I don't believe God will fault a person for requesting divorce.