Chad

I like the love languages book - it makes sense to me. I believe couples are more likely to have a happy relationship if they have similar love languages.

My thoughts on these:

Physical Touch is important to me. I want to call out that in taking the test I exclude sex from being included in considering physical touch, as directed. However, I feel like sex (in Marriage!) is a way in which I feel like I’m really expressing and receiving love. Regarding physical touch: I feel deprived of it, and I wonder if I got enough if this would drop to 3rd place. I’m kind of afraid of physical touch for multiple reasons, and I’ve been working on getting past those issues so I can really accept loving physical touch from someone. Also, I probably won’t touch you (even holding hands) without your permission, and if you like it, I need you to tell me you like it.

Quality Time is tied with Acts of Service. If I have a significant other (SO), I like to spend time with her. However, I note that I am an introvert and need alone time as well. WIth my SO, quality time means just the two of us – parties or extended family get togethers are not quality time for me.

Acts of Service (tied with Quality Time): My nature is to not let anyone do things for me… through therapy, I’ve learned that isn’t good. However, when a SO does something small for me, it most definitely makes me feel loved and cared about… maybe because I traditionally don’t let people do things for me, it makes it more special when someone does. I will feel awkward about letting someone do something for me at first, but if you can show me repeatedly that it’s something you want to do and not an obligation, I’ll feel loved.

Gifts: I’m more of a gift giver than a receiver. This one scores pretty low for me, but I like gifts that show the giver was thinking about me. It’s important on birthdays & Christmas, but for me receiving gifts on random days is nice, but doesn’t necessarily make me feel loved.

Words of Affirmation: This scores really low for me, and I have a pretty good understanding as to why. Throughout my life, words of love & support have usually been empty or even manipulative. I feel like they’re obligatory. If you want to tell me you love or care for me, use at least one of my top three love languages please. As far as giving words of affirmation: I do decent, but it's not my strength.

I've taken the test twice, hoping for a result of "Secure" attachment style -- but my result is "Anxious". In one of the tests, it showed a graph of where I was on the scale, and it was just a short distance from the border of being "Secure", so there's that.

My thoughts on being "Anxious":

In working with my therapist, I've come to understand at least some of the reasons why I'm "Anxious." Life experiences have brought me to have anxiety about relationships, and my deepest relationships have been with Avoidant / Anxious-Avoidant types. My therapist works on this with me, and as part of that, I want to be friends with someone before becoming romantic with them. When I start dating someone, I think it would be best for them to have a "Secure" attachment style. That would probably help me move to the "Secure" side of things.

I had deseret book plus for a while and listened to many on that app, and I've bought or been gifted several. Even so, here's some I've read (in alphabetical order):

• Becoming Celestial Soulmates
• Dealing with Differences in Marriage
• First comes Love
• Hold Me Tight
• How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk
• The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage
• What We Wish We'd Known When We Were Newlyweds
• What Wives Expect of Husbands

The one that was the most eye-opening for me is "Hold Me Tight". While the concepts in that book are not hard, recognizing the issues can be difficult -- This one was my most recent read, and as such I haven't been in a relationship to put what I've learned into practice. As I read most of the other books, I felt like I was already doing most everything they were trying to teach. With the "Proper Care" book, I actually called my sister (who gifted it to me) and asked if she felt like the book was written from the man's point of view.

Even though I've read or listened to these, I'm not perfect and may not remember every concept taught in these books.