Chad

What I look for in a significant other

A prerequisite for becoming romantically involved is that we be really good friends first, so all of that applies. Additionally, she needs to know me well enough to be able to get my true feelings about things, as most of the time I don’t even know my true feelings about something until I’ve had some time to think about it. I will often say what I feel the others want me to say because I don’t want to have conflict and/or hurt their feelings. It’s important that a girlfriend recognizes this and doesn’t take advantage of that.

She needs to be a faithful disciple of Christ on the inside. That doesn't mean you need to be perfect. I say on the inside because you won’t need the good you do to be on the main stage. What I mean is that you want Christ in your life and strive to follow Him and do what he would have you do.

She needs to be a temple goer.

I need to have a very deep emotional connection with a girlfriend. It’s fine if it doesn't start in the marianas trench, but within a few months it needs to be pretty deep.

We need to enjoy doing a variety of things together, and be fine with letting the other person reasonably pursue their interests that are not shared independently.

There needs to be chemistry. For many people that might mean having a sexy body. I see that as a bonus point, but it’s definitely not the main attractor for me. Like many other INFJs, I’m attracted to intellect and emotional availability. I’ll take a girl who I can have deep conversation and emotional connection with anyday over a woman who doesn’t have that, even if she’s rated “sexiest woman alive” by all who know her. Once we have the intellectual & emotional connection, the chemistry will definitely be there on my side.

I believe in the law of chastity, and that physical expressions of romantic feelings need to be kept within the bounds God has set. When things are “in bounds”, I’m a fan of enjoying them with my significant other, without pushing the boundaries. Following God is extremely important to me.

Flirting

I’m INFJ, and INFJs are known for being illiterate when it comes to flirting. It’s something my therapist has been trying to teach me, but I’m still not very good at it. Sometimes I recognize someone was probably flirting with me like a day after it happened. If you’re interested in going on dates with me and you’re flirtatious, then I invite you to flirt with me and help me practice flirting back!

Getting my interest / attention

If you want me to be interested in you, the best way to do that is to have deep conversations with me, one on one. Frequent small talk will cause me to lose interest. Some of my favorite topics to talk about include:

What attracts me romantically

There is some overlap with "What I look for in a significant other" (above), but it is slightly different. In order of how important they are (top few are required, bottom is considered a bonus):

1. Kindness – especially if I can observe it without her knowing that she’s being watched.
2. Emotional Connection - If I feel like I can share how I feel, and feel like she shares with me how she feels
3. Spiritual - I want someone who is deeply committed to Christ (but not a religious extremist – I want a Covenant Keeper).
4. High Integrity - Honest, but more than just being honest.
5. Sexual - Meaning, she has a sexual side (can be hidden) that she looks forward to expressing and wants to share with a husband. Likewise, she expects her man to have sexuality
6. Smart – I love intellectual conversations
7. Responsible - Women who know how to take care of themselves and get things done are attractive
8. Pretty face - I love a nice smile and attractive eyes
9. Fun - I like to be able to laugh and enjoy activities together
10. Sexy - Yup, I’m attracted to a sexy body. Modesty is important (See Chastity)